Posted in Pregnancy

Welcome, Addison

It has been a month since I we gave birth to our beautiful, sweet Addie. Everyone has a birth story, and Addison is no different. I have been avoiding her birth story for several reasons. If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I had a very hard time with my pregnancy. I thought for sure I’d have a break with my delivery, but that didn’t happen. Having a preemie might be a whole other blog post. But I’ve also waited to tell her story because I wanted to find the positive and beauty in welcoming her to the world. I want to remember the good and hope that the bad has faded by now. continued

Real feelings

I’ve been avoiding my blog. I just pretend it doesn’t exist right now. I have been posting a few updates over at Doug and Cam but even those are getting few and far between. The reason? I’m feeling really frustrated. I’ve felt like this for weeks, and feel guilty about it because I know my pity party will eventually come to an end. Until then, I struggle with those encouraging words people send my way. So instead of being ungrateful, I’m just hiding. continued

Week 32, where I fall apart

It’s been a really hard week around here. My mom came down with the flu last Friday. She’s never sick so it’s a huge blow when she does come down with something. We knew we relied on her help, we just didn’t know how much. Our friends have been great at offering to help with Emma but yesterday our plans fell apart leaving me to care for Emma alone.

I knew this was going to have an effect on my doctors appointment today. As hard as I tried to stay down, it’s really hard with a 3.5 year old. I wasn’t able to call anyone for help since my “help” kept telling me she’d be here. My help never arrived and I was kicking myself all afternoon.

When we saw the doctor today it was evident that I had become much worse. I’m basically back where I was a few weeks ago. He has doubled my Nifedipine, hoping it will help quite a bit. He also wants to see me flat on my back. We’ll reevaluate our situation again on Monday. Fingers crossed, my mom will be in better shape by this weekend.

To shake things up around here, I’ve been having nosebleeds lately. This is most likely because of the Nifedipine. If they continue my doctor is going to send me to a specialist to stop the bleeds. I’m really hoping the increase in Nifedipine will not have an effect on my nose any more than what’s currently going on.

Today was a little much for me. I’ll admit, I cried a lot. The reality of another 4 weeks of bed rest is setting in and I’m not too thrilled about it.

I understand the reasons.

I know the baby is better off where she is.

I get this. I do.

But I don’t have to like it.

One and only

Bed rest sucks. There is no other way around it. I don’t think I’ve met one person who has enjoyed their experience, myself included.

One of the things I miss the most is being able to shower on a regular basis. I get one shower a week, two if I’m lucky. That’s pretty much all my legs can handle at this point. I can stand for a solid five minutes, then I’m done. After I’ve taken my shower, I feel like I just ran a marathon. Extreme exhaustion sets in and then I’m  grateful for my bed.

It’s really no surprise that we haven’t taken any pregnancy photos this time around. Even on my shower days, I don’t actually get ready. The only time I leave my house is to go to the doctor and I don’t get dolled up for that occasion.

Here is my one and only pregnancy photo from the weekend. Week 31. We hit week 32 today. If I’m lucky, there are only two more weeks of bed rest in my future.

Maybe another picture or two as well.

Week 31, where I do the happy dance.

A few things about today’s doctor appointment. It was confirmed, my doctor likes Doug better. But I’m grateful. After spending over an hour in the waiting room, then another fifteen minutes in the exam room, we found out my doctor had to leave for an emergency c-section. I heard him tell the nurse to reschedule all of us who were waiting.  Not really what we wanted to hear after our 45 minute drive. It wasn’t until he saw Doug walking down the hall that he decided to squeeze us in before he left.

I’m still doing well for our situation. We are officially 31 week so things are good. He’s told me at my last two appointments that it looks like we have a “big, healthy baby.” I’m thrilled about the healthy part but not too excited about the “big” part. Overall, we feel we’re officially on the downhill side of things. The best news from my appointment today, he’s pretty sure I’ll be off bed rest at week 34. That’s only 3 weeks away folks! He even said I could attend our preschool auction in early March. He did caution me though, I won’t have the strength and energy as I did 10 weeks ago. In other words, I’ll most likely be sporting a wheelchair until I get my strength back.

In other good news, my recliner arrived today. I’m now able to enjoy the rest of the family in the living room. This is most likely where I’ll try sleeping too since it’s become impossible to sleep through the night.

Again, I can’t thank you enough for all your thought and prayers. Hopefully I’ll be seeing all of you in just a few short weeks!

Second pregnancy guilt

I was in the middle of writing this post when I saw this article over at Babble.com, “I Suck at My Second Pregnancy.” I’ve been struggling with this for some time. Basically, since we found out I was pregnant.

The reason I have guilt has nothing to do with our current situation, it started long before that. I realized early on that this pregnancy was going to be different. The pregnancy itself, not the baby, had to take a back burner to our everyday life. We have a 3.5 year old who needs a lot of attention and I honestly haven’t have had time to even realize I’m pregnant. With Em, we could tell you exactly how far along we were, our due date, her name, ect. We even had her nursery done by the time we were only four months along.

With the second pregnancy I lost a week somewhere along the way. You would think I would be more on top of things since I’m on bed rest this time around, but I just can’t keep up. My husband finally ordered several things we need and put the crib up over the weekend. Considering this baby can come at any time, that was probably a good idea. I just assume these things are going to happen on their own…somehow.

I’ve talked to my OB about “the second pregnancy guilt.” He says it’s very normal. Life goes on but that doesn’t mean you don’t love this child as much as you do your first.

Did you go through this? Did you do anything special during your second pregnancy that made it unique to your first?

Week 30 update

Today we had an interesting doctor appointment. I didn’t get horrible news but was told that things are changing. We can expect this the farther along I get. Each week that goes by is a big plus, but I’ll most likely be changing a little more for the worse each week. Still, nothing to worry about at this point. We just have to keep doing what we’re doing, I really can’t do any more than that. We are just happy we made it to week 30. Now it seems like we are on the downhill side of things.

I did get some good news. He might let me off bed rest closer to 34 weeks than 36. He knows I’m really struggling mentally and thinks it would be best for me at this point. I’m not to get my hopes up, it was a “might” but at least that’s something to hold onto for now.

More good news, my new recliner will be here next week. Sleeping has become next to impossible. The Nifedipine makes it to where I really can’t lay down anymore. Even with the medications that are suppose to help, I am still getting sick each time I try.  I really hope having the recliner will help. At this point, i’ll try just about anything.

Well, here’s to another week down. 40 more days of bed rest to go! Thank you all for you thoughts and prayers!

One step forward, two steps back

For the most part, we had a good visit with our doctor yesterday. First off, we are still stable. That’s the good news. Our doctor is very relieved. But there was some confusion on my due date and how far along I really am.

I’ve been looking forward to the 30 week mark for the last few weeks. 30 weeks was our soft goal. Both Doug and I have been anticipating the 30 week mark since this journey began. Today however, my doctor said I was 28 weeks. I couldn’t believe what he was saying and I started to have an anxiety attack. Seeing my panic we went through my entire chart. He wanted to give us the  most accurate due date possible so we have realistic expectations.  We finally agreed that I was in fact farther along than 28 weeks, but not yet 30.

As of today, we are 29 weeks and 2 days. We will continue everything as we’ve been doing, including 100% bed rest. At this point it has to be ok because it’s what is working the best.

Now I lay here and wait for Sunday to come around. Just so we can hit our 30 week goal…again!

When life gives you lemons…

“Everyone gets to experience some kind of challenge or heartache during their life.” Words from Doug when I was really down. Words that were suppose to reassure me. Because the words I had heard from my doctor, just a few minutes prior, didn’t leave me feeling reassured.

I don’t know why, I just assumed that my second pregnancy would be just as normal as the first. Em was textbook, just a little early. I’ve heard of women having complications, but I never thought I would be one of them. continued

About me

Cam Bowman @CamBowman
Stay-at-home mother of two, wife, blogger, amateur photographer. Former flight attendant. Lover of all things Disney. Living the dream.
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